Not long ago, I came across this quote: “The secret for a long-lasting marriage is just dumb luck, you have to be lucky enough to love each other for who you are today, and be able to still love the one you will become”.
This idea makes me believe that since we are going to change through the years, the older we are when we finally settle down, the higher probability to remain together, since we will have fewer changes to face down the road. That could be a good strategy, but sometimes we just fall in love without planning.
Humans are so different, that I believe there is not a golden rule, what works for one couple might not work for another. I know some couples who met in high school and are still together, but in average, the majority of us didn’t married our school years sweet heart.
Maybe we can have a little bit of luck in our side, and maybe we can also do something to give that luck a little boost.
This weekend my aunt and uncle will celebrate their 28th wedding anniversary, and of course I had to ask them: “What is your secret?”, “How did you do it?”.
They said their recipe consist of four elements:
Communication: They talk about everything, the good and the bad. Actually specially about the bad, the things that make them mad or annoy them, since they don’t want to hold a grudge against each other.
Compromise: Once they know what the other wants, or how is he/she feeling, they make things work by finding an agreement, a way to get what one wants accounting the other desires. They say: “You can’t have a happy couple if only one is getting their way all the time”.
They also make their union a priority by spending time together. I totally remember them saying they would meet for lunch one day during the week and going to the movies on the weekends.
And finally having respect, because even when they are mad and arguing, there is no violence or name calling, they don’t make the other do something they don’t want to.
So, it sounds kind of simple, or very reasonable, but it is not easy. I’m glad it has worked for them, because they are a great couple. He still tells her: ” I love you”, in front of family or strangers, and she always reach to hold his hand as they walk inside the supermarket. Anyhow, they are so lucky to have each other.
Maybe growing together, being a team, is a piece in the puzzle of how to make a relationship last happily until death set us apart.