I was an expert at feeling: “not good enough”.
Feeling “not good enough” is the way for our insecurities to manifest: “I don’t have a pretty voice, I’m not good enough to sing karaoke at the party”.
This feeling can also come from past experiences, we may remember a time when we didn’t succeed and we label ourselves: “Algebra was so hard in high school, I think I’m not good enough at math to help my child with homework”.
Sometimes is about priorities, no one can do it all, all the time: “I’m not a good enough mom because I’m not there for my kids, but I need to go to work”. It also comes from feeling guilty about not choosing the best option: “Why I did that?, I should had known better.”
Other times, it appears when we didn’t rise up to our expectations: “I would feel that I wasn’t a good enough parent if my kid start using drugs”. or worse, when we don’t measure up to somebody’s expectations: “I’m not good enough, I’m an artist but everybody in my family is a doctor”.
Most of this examples show how when we are feeling “not good enough”, we are just being too hard to ourselves. When we start feeling “not good enough”, we forget that nobody is perfect and that everybody makes mistakes. The truth is we are just labeling ourselves, letting fear and doubt take over our security and self-esteem.
Giving it a second thought, we can realize that:
1) Doing something wrong doesn’t mean we are bad people. Maybe I might need to develop some skills to be as good as I want to be at a specific job, but that doesn’t deplete my value.
2) Some fortunate persons are born with talent, for the rest of us is hard work what will get us there: “I’m a terrible dancer, yes, I have never taken classes or had the time to practice some steps that would make me look good when I need to dance”.
3) Definitively if your expectations are way too high, rarely you are going to feel good enough: “I used to think that in order to be good enough I needed to win a Nobel award or an Olympic Medal for everything I did.
4) About feeling bad for not measuring up to somebody else expectations, I think that even when they have good intentions, each of us have our own dreams and we are entitled to fulfill them: “I’m sorry I’m not a doctor, but that doesn’t make me happy, painting does”.
So next time that the “not good enough” thought comes around, ask yourself: “how come I think that?”, and “what can I do to change it?”.
You are good enough already, don’t forget it.