Today is Valentine’s Day, a day in which people show feelings of love, affection and friendship. Love is in the air and I can’t help but write about ways to express love.
My favorite book in this subject is “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Last” by Gary Chapman. What I like the most of it, is the concept that people speak different love languages, and Chapman explains it this way:
“Generally we speak the language of our parents and siblings. Later, we may learn additional languages, usually with much more effort. These become our secondary languages.
In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.
No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other”.
So, which are these love languages?, and what can we do to communicate efficiently and make the relationship work?
The first language is Words of Affirmation. People who speak this love language feel valued the most when they hear: “I love you”, “I know you can do it”. “You are the best”, and so on. They not only feel support and motivation, these words really mean love, trust and admiration.
The second love language is Quality Time. People who have this language as its primary love language feel loved the most when they have full undivided attention, and one on one time activities. Nothing expresses love like: “I want to be with you”, “you are the most important person in my life”.
The third love language is Receiving Gifts, which goes beyond receiving material things. It’s the love most little kids use when they give their mom a drawing, when your partner brings you a pastry from your favorite restaurant because he had a lunch meeting there. The way love speaks when your boyfriend picks a daisy from his front yard or your neighbor brings you oranges or lemons from his tree.
For those of us who have this language as primary, each gift means thoughtfulness and clearly says: I was thinking about you.
The fourth love language is Acts of Service: taking out the trash, baking a birthday cake, washing the car, doing the dishes, any way of helping others shows that you value what the other person does.
The fifth and final love language is Physical Touch: hugs, holding hands, sitting on your partner’s lap, caressing hair or the face of your loved one, are some of the ways in which we express this love language.
Gary says that learning our partner’s primary love language is the most effective way to reach their hearts: “speaking your spouse’s primary love language is the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage”.
Knowing all this…. How will you say: “I Love you”?.