When we say: “I forgive you”, it may seem that we are doing the other person a favor, it seems that we decided to leave behind a situation in which we felt hurt or wronged, for the benefit of others or the relationship, but forgiveness is more a gift for ourselves than to others.
Because as long as we are holding to, and replaying the events in our mind, we are constantly feeding the hurt and anger. Reliving those moments, is like dragging a chain tied to your ankle, is something useless that is hurting you, not the other party.
When we forgive, we are the ones that heal, the ones that stop feeling bad about the situation.
As we decide to forgive, we decide to free ourselves of the weight of the bad feelings and to erase the memory of that event. We decide to leave the issue behind.
For me, is easier to forgive someone I love than to forgive a stranger or even myself.
When a stranger hurt us, we feel fearful and vulnerable, and we tend to protect ourselves from happening again.
But not because once you were robbed, every time you go outside you will be robbed again. Neither you are going to avoid stepping out of your house for now on.
We need to let go the fear, accept that sometimes things are out of our control and that probably was just bad luck what drew us there.
Forgiving myself isn’t that easy.
When I do something wrong, I have this feeling of failure and I keep thinking of how much I would like to change the past, erase the event, change the situation and get a different outcome.
But whatever it happened, the consequences are still there. I need to accept that it did happen, that I didn’t know any better, that I didn’t plan things to go that way, and that it was a mistake.
I need to learn the lesson, and be sure that next time I’ll do things differently.
Probably I will always remember what happened, but fortunately in a month or a year from now, I won’t feel the way I do today. I need to say: “I’m sorry”; if I feel that will make things better, but most of all, I need to learn how to forgive myself.
Nobody is perfect, and I really think that people act the best they can, with the knowledge they have in the situation they are.