“I wish I had a sister”, that was a common everyday thought in my life while I was growing up. I have an older and a younger brother, so I’m the girl in my family. Adding up, most of my cousins are males and most of the neighbors were too.
I remember feeling so different from the girls at school, somehow I felt we couldn’t really connect. While they talked about high heels, make u,p and boys; I grew up playing hide and seek, soccer, biking, climbing and skating.
Those factors were the perfect ingredients for my soul mate fantasy, I yearned to have someone to talk to, someone who agreed with me in everything I did, I wanted to meet someone who saw life the way I saw it. I dreamt about having a twin sister, and that she would react the same way I would in each situation, in that way I would feel supported: “you are so right, I agree. I would do the same, actually let’s go together”.
But with time, here and there, life has shown me better. For example, once I had a girlfriend, I liked her so much because it seemed she was going through the same experiences I have had. I felt so connected!. Then something that really surprised me happened: yes we were going through the same situation: we have just had our first kid through a C-section, in a country where we had no family and our babies had to stay at the hospital for at least one week.
While I could barely move, she was still shopping for the crib and driving all around as if nothing had happened. Maybe she was stronger, but definitively she was not in pain.
Our babies came home, both attached to a breathing monitor, as a preventive method for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), because they were preemies. Once again, while I was freaked out, she was relaxed and enjoying motherhood.
That’s how I learned that people can react different to the same experience or situation, and that’s the way it should be, because at the very end, we are one of a kind, there is no single person that has our same likes, dreams and goals. Each of us is unique, and so is the way to see life and solve problems.
This has nothing to do with love, for example, my husband will never get up at 6:00 am on Sunday to go hiking. Oh well, he might, I can convince him, because he loves me; but I know he will not enjoy it, he will never be as passionate as I am about exercising, and anyway, to be friends or partners, we don’t have to agree every time in everything, actually our differences are what compliment us and add balance our relationship.
Now, I’m no longer searching for that “other me”. Instead I have a friend who likes biking at dawn, other one that really cooks healthy, one more that will second me in any activity with the kids, and so on. I really enjoy sharing or talking about each of these activities when I’m with them. I can feel a deep bond and trust when we are together, and when they do something a way I wouldn’t ever think about it, I just say: “Even that’s not the way I would do it, if it works for you, that’s great. Let me know if there is a way I can help”.
I’m grateful for all the souls that have touched my life and filled it with connection. Now I feel supported and included. I hope your life is full of soul mates too.